The man and lady servant were up early this morning looking rather bedraggled.
I think they had been kept awake by heavy rain and winds that battered the region and most of the UK for the whole of the night. Also, I don’t think I helped matters very much either.
Every time there was a lull in the storm I would watch them settle back to deep slumbers. Then I would do my utmost to keep them on edge. One of my disturbing activities would be to chase that imaginary insect. Not across the carpeted floor. That would be far too easy. No, it had to be a phantom insect that was crawling up and down the venetian blinds. When I reached up to attack, the slats on the blinds would bend downwards with a metallic twang and then when they returned to their original position would twang metallically back into place.
‘Omar, for goodness sake’ would be the hushed and muffled cry from under the duvet.
I would desist and all would be peaceful until the next lashing from the storm.
In the next meteorological lull I would then attack the landing carpet with a venom and energy that any Dyson vacuum cleaner would envy. This created a reaction.
‘Man servant’ lady servant would say ‘go and sort Omar out’.
Man servant would shuffle across the landing in the now half-light of early morning and mutter something under his breath. I could not quite hear what he said but I think it was connected to the issue of whether or not my parents were married at the time of my conception.
Man and lady servant eventually got away at about eight. Not bad as they planned to be away by seven. This lateness was nothing to do with me at all. I am totally innocent. Before they went they did make sure that the Chavs and me did get their breakfast.
Senior man servant had somehow managed to sleep through both the domestic and meteorological storms of the night. He would have slept on until eleven like he used to over Christmas, so it was time for some Omar intervention to get him up. This is when the fun for the day started.
My first tactic was to go into his bedroom and start to scrag the carpet with the same technique perfected earlier this morning. This did not wake him up. So the next tactic was to clamber on the bed and strategically place my full weight on his stomach. Result! The senior man servant woke up.
As soon as he did I went to my feed bowl. Sat there until he came to find me. Just as he came into view I put on my best BAFTA award winning ‘please they forgot to feed me before they left’ expression.
‘Oh, Omar. Didn’t they feed you before they left…..poor fellow……here you go a sachet and some biscuits before I feed the others’.
RESULT! I have got this servant trained within twenty four hours. Roll on tomorrow for some more jolly japes.