There is a lot to get through this morning so here are the main topics from the week:
• April Fool’s Day
• Binary Trading and
• The Fallen eucalyptus tree
So heads up and away we go.
This diary was written on the morning of Sunday the 3rd of April and as most regular readers know I have to dictate it to my Man Servant who likes to use a very special Schaeffer fountain pen to write with. As a token revenge on behalf of the victims described in the following pages I have managed to mischievously hide that special pen. It was a jolly jape watching him try to find it as I impatiently waited to dictate. He has had to settle for a writing implement from Poundland instead.
From inside Omar Towers over the last week since the Easter Bank Holiday spring has definitely arrived. The days are noticeably longer and warmer but still not quite warm enough for me to be spending my days lazing in the rhubarb patch. That day will come.
Friday saw the dawning of April Fools Day when the servant species pull practical jokes on one another and my two servants joined the jolly japes hoping to catch other members of their species with. Between them they concocted a wicked wheeze against a very serious lady member of their species who runs a professional yard for specialist horses. The wheeze was conducted entirely by text by Lady Servant and below is the transcript of the conversation which I silently watched unfold:
LS = My Lady Servant
SLS = Sucker Lady Servant
MMS = My Man Servant
(The numbers in brackets are the times of the texts on the 24 hour clock – how precise is that?)
MLS to SLS (0843)
Good morning SLS. TONE THERAPY FOR HORSES. On the BBC a few minutes ago there was an article from a racing yard where they have proved, with blood tests, that if jockeys and work riders sing to their horses before exercising them it relaxes them and improves their performance on the gallops by releasing positive endorphins into the blood stream. They showed Ryan Moore singing a lullaby to the horse he was riding. Nicky Henderson, the trainer, said his horses especially liked operatic arias.
MLS to MMS (offline) Look, look, she’s reading it! Oh, oh here’s her reply.
SLS to MLS (0845)
Amazing! I have come back to the house from the yard to see if it is repeated on TV. Can you find the link on the internet and send it to me?
MLS to MMS (Offline) SLS has fallen for it….that is so funny. I’ll bet she shows her husband.
SLS to MLS (0849)
I’ve told my daughter to come in now to watch for it. She has pony club camp this weekend and have already told the organisers about it. Brilliant they can all sing to their ponies before training.
MLS to MMS (Offline) She really has fallen for it…….I’m laughing so much…..oh no…….I’ll have to go the loo. I have to tell her……..OMAR! Get off the seat……too late.
MLS to SLS (0901)
15 second delay
SLS to MLS
Oh no I really have told the organisers how embarrassing is that?
Man Servant has worked in the commodity trading environment so he knows a little bit about how these markets work and some of the terminology. One of the family friends asked him for some help to explain what he knew as she was going to start something online called ‘binary trading’. Man Servant diligently drew sketch charts to explain what going long, going short, the pricing movements required to make a profit on each, contango and backwardation.
I must admit that I found even his very simple models on paper a tad confusing. In my sphere of normality my only concern is if there is enough kibble in the cupboard to keep me and the Chav fed. From Man Servant’s charts I have gathered this is regarded as having a ‘long physical position’. My alternative understanding of a ‘long physical position’ is me being stretched out on the bed and following the warm sun spots during the day stretched out on my back with my legs in the air. That is my type of long position with absolutely no risk involved.
For convenience and brevity the friend who has been named as Binary Trading Lady Servant will be referred to as BTLS.
Man Servant returned from his time with BTLS. He explained to Lady Servant that BTLS was not trading at all in the sense of taking a position. She was actually placing a bet on whether or not a commodity or currency would end a time period higher or lower than at the beginning of the time period. If her intuition was correct BTLS would have her initial stake plus some winnings returned to her account with binary trading company. If her intuition was wrong then she would lose her initial stake. This activity cannot be dignified was ‘trading’ as it fundamentally is gambling in the same way as Man Servant tries valiantly to find winning racehorses. As a result of this Man Servant has renamed BTLS as ‘Punter Lady Servant’ or ‘PLS’. I believe those in the more traditional betting sectors refer to their clients as ‘punters’ hence the choice of name.
Last night, Saturday, Man Servant was particularly wicked to PLS using the text facility on his phone. A transcript from this act of wickedness is set out below in the same format as the earlier one.
MS = My Man Servant
PLS = Punter Lady Servant
MS to PLS (1954) Don’t forget that it is Sunday tomorrow – the last day of the weekend for Christians but the first day of the new week in the Middle East. So, you could do some binary trading on the markets there. See if you can go higher with the Saudi Ryal vs US $. There is some news about to break that will push the price of oil up which will push up the Saudi Ryal.
PLS to MS (1956) Ok Thanks. Will give it a go.
PLS to MS (1958) Had a look at system. Cant do Ryal vs $ but can do oil
MS to PLS (2002) HLAS
PLS to MS (2003) Come again? Is that a trading acronym?
MS to PLS (2004) Yes, hook line and sinker I was only joking.
MS to PLS (2004) and b4 u say anything my parents were married 4 9 years b4 they had me
PLS to MS (2005) Oh dear £500 on oil going higher by 1000 Monday….what shall I do
MS to PLS (2006) Prey for civil war in Saudi Arabia. Good night.
Man Servant will go too far one day.
Earlier I said about going up to the rhubarb patch and that it is not quite warm enough yet. Another reason for not going there yet is that during the big storm over Easter weekend our family eucalyptus tree was blown over. This was most inconvenient as it fell right across the width of the grounds blocking my route to the rhubarb patch. Man Servant must have understood this restriction to my free passage so he spent all of yesterday afternoon clearing the fallen tree. I watched him from my window sawing, clipping and stacking well into the evening as he cleared a path for me. Once he had finished I went out to inspect his work. There was still some clearing up to do.
‘Look Omar, you can go up to the rhubarb patch now’ Man Servant said with his face streaked with sweat.
I looked, tutted and wandered back into the house leaving him to clear up his tools. It was then that I hid his precious Schaeffer pen.