I am not very sure what I have done wrong to deserve such rough and disrespectful handling as I have had this week.
The other evening I was sitting quietly minding my own business when suddenly Man Servant picked me up by the scruff of the neck, roughed up my coat and then sprayed with some awful smelling liquid. As I was being sprayed I definitely overheard the word ‘fleas’. This really cannot apply to me, a feline of such good breeding.
After this traumatic experience and having been able to collect my dignified and aristocratic air I sat to thinking what on earth I had done to deserve such treatment as surely this was a disguise for some form of punishment? Then again, it is in neither of the Servant’s natures to punish me or the Chav. There might be the occasional raised voice but nothing quite as physical as the other evening.
Then I remembered. The other evening the Man Servant was looking at his IG Index account, left the screen on and went to make a hot drink. Overcome by curiosity I looked at the screen and was fascinated by the red and blue flickering lights on the screen. Due to my genetic heritage I could not help but look at the price of oil in advance of the big OPEC meeting in December to decide if production should be increased or decreased. I rested my paw on a key called ‘ENTER’ and all sorts of things started to happen on the screen. Red and blue flickering lights were all over the screen. Just then I heard Man Servant coming back up the stairs so I slammed the lid of the computer down as fast as I could. Just like he does when Lady Servant surprises him in his office. I wish both of them would wear some sort of bell so I could hear either of them coming.
‘I thought I left the computer on’ Man Servant said as he walked to his desk ‘Oh well, may as well call it a day anyway’.
That was the evening before I was ‘punished’. Perhaps I had bought some oil by mistake and Man Servant did not find out about this trade until he opened his computer the next evening, before the rough handling. After I had been mistreated I ran upstairs to my favourite chair in the office and there was his screen open again. I quickly looked down his list of trades and could not see anything to do with oil. I was so relieved for all our sakes as some well-known people such Alex Salmond in Scotland, who used to be an oil trader, was oh so confident he could predict the price was using $130 a barrel in the budgetary forecasts used in the SNP campaign for an independent Scotland weeks before the price fell to less than $50 and the electorate voted ‘No’ to independence.
This reminds me of the old joke about how does one become a millionaire through oil speculation? You have to start as an oil billionaire.
Perhaps I really do have fleas which is a lot better than losing a fortune on the oil market?
The household has been very upset recently following the American Presidential Elections. I understand a member of the servant species who has had absolutely no experience of public service let alone politics and international affairs of the geopolitical kind has won the election. I have heard that one of his election lies, sorry that should read ‘pledges’ but as I cannot find the backspace key that word will have to stand, was to build a big physically intolerant barrier to prevent Mexican servants from entering America. Why? All those members of the servant species want to do is improve their lives by working hard.
This is very much like my attitude to the Chav feline who has infiltrated our house through the cat flap seeking a better life. Although I was intolerant at first and made my feelings very plain to her being here I did change my attitude when I remembered back to when I had been made very uncomfortable and unwelcome in my previous home. I did the only thing I could and decided to leave to seek a better life. Most fortunately I was taken in by my present servants. Although the Chav came later, when I was hoping to be a solitary feline, we all manage to rub along together in an atmosphere of tolerance and respect.
Black Friday, whatever that is, has come and gone. I honestly believe it is some cynical marketing strategy developed by the media and retailers to stimulate spending ahead of Christmas. Fortunately neither of my Servants allow themselves to be swept up in this gross incarnation of consumer spending.
The serious countdown to Christmas begins now that American Thanksgiving has gone. I have noticed that there are several parcels arriving at other estates nearby that have tape on them saying ‘Amazon’. I wonder if that is the same ‘Amazon’ that was reported on the TV the other night? The report exposed how the servants driving the delivery vans are working extremely long hours for very little money that does not even afford them a living wage. It is so sad to hear this type of report as once again all the servant drivers are trying to do is earn a fair wage so that they can support themselves, their servant families and any felines they may have.
This now raises a very serious moral issue for me. When I do my Christmas shopping on line, which hopefully will not involve buying crude oil when I press ‘ENTER’, I will make a stand against the type of exploitation I have just mentioned and insist that all parcels for the Servants and the Chav are delivered by Her Majesty’s Royal Mail. However, this is where my moral dilemma infiltrates my conscience. If enough consumers made similar stands then the drivers working for Amazon would lose their jobs. What is worse? To be unemployed or to be employed and badly taken advantage of?
Perhaps the Chav has brought fleas into the house. Wouldn’t surprise me for a moment as she does mix with some rough felines from the street like Lager Boy from next door. I notice that she hasn’t been rough handled and sprayed which seems most unfair.