Omar’ Diary for 29th December 2016

Bank holiday Sunday

Pointed toilet paper, weight based insults and a model

Man Servant was awake and up early this morning. He even managed a short walk to the local shops which most sadly did not yield any Dreamies for me which although it is nice to see him up and about my disappointment outweighed my pleasure. Lady Servant had to go off to something called ‘Work’ whatever that is. A big red car collected her and took her away.

Her absence gave Man Servant and myself the opportunity to enjoy some shared quality and feline servant bonding time. He sat down with a cup of coffee and I had a few Dreamies from my now rapidly diminishing supply. He spread his newspaper, The Times or Old Thunderer as it used to be nicknamed when all newspapers came from Fleet Street.

I was deeply offended when Man Servant drew my attention to an article on the front page headed ‘Middle in denial over alcohol and weight’. I know I might be a member of the ‘middle aged’ set but I definitely do not partake of alcohol. As for being overweight I keep informing servants that my adequate bulk is adequate for me and is my breed standard. My muscular structure may be a tad relaxed at the moment but I am not overweight.

paper-20130319_144447-1

In the letters page there has been a debate running about why hotels fold the end of the toilet paper into points. Both Lady and Man Servant are quite well travelled and thought it was a way of showing that a room had been serviced. Apparently this is not the reason. It is done this way to assist sight impaired servants to find the end of the roll. Felines do not use toilet paper even if we do have en suite facilities and anyway, where we would dispose of it? Oh yes I remember, we have servants to do that sort of thing.

Horse training servant made a house visit today to Omar Towers. I was very comfortably ensconced on the sofa and he sat down right beside me. The last servant to do this went away with some scratches. When this particular servant sat down he looked at me and mentioned how good looking I was so I really could not be bothered to put up any resistance until I heard the comment:

‘He’s big.’

I may be big but as I have mentioned on more than one occasion I conform to breed standards.

I gave a reactionary stretch to try and push him off the sofa. It didn’t work so I curled up and tried to get back to sleep which was fine until I heard:

‘I can’t see which end is which, where’s his head?’

That was it! I gave one huge stretch and managed to get my hind claws into his flesh. Two seconds later he was making polite comments about having to rush off back to his farm to get some work done.

Lady Servant returned to Omar Rowers and we all settled down for a cold winter’s evening in. While Lady Servant was watching the TV Man Servant brought out a model making kit which was one of his Christmas presents. He laid all the shiny and brightly coloured parts out on the table. Temptation exceeded self-discipline and I just could not resist getting on to the table and look at all the little parts.

omar-and-the-models

‘Oh look’ Lady Servant said ‘he wants to join in and help.’

‘Oh no I don’t’ I thought.

Lady Servant won’t be quick enough to intervene to prevent disaster and I know Man Servant won’t be able to lift me because of his surgery so the paw came out to touch one set of parts to gauge reactions.

‘Omar! Leave it, I can see what you are up to’ Man Servant said.

I then swiped my paw at the smallest shiny parts I could see. They were scattered across the carpet. Before man Servant could react I then took another swipe at some bigger parts. These too went across the carpet. Man Servant was much distressed. Lady Servant just smiled and said something very placatory about me not being given the opportunity to join in. Man Servant harrumphed under his breath as he scrabbled around the floor looking for all the dispersed parts.

‘I think I’ll leave it until tomorrow. I will need an extra tool from my box in the garage…….goodness knows how they think an eight year old could build that model’ Man Servant declared as he put all the little parts back into a plastic bag.

Our evening finished with Man Servant checking the weather for the next day. One weather site said that the overnight temperatures will be above freezing.

‘Good, that means that I do not have to scrape the ice off the car tomorrow morning for my first drive in two week’ Man Servant said.

And so the day ended with Man Servant looking forward to a frost free morning.

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About alangrenville

I live in southern Britain near the fabulous New Forest. While studying for a BSc in International Studies I have developed a strong belief in 'NIBAW' or 'nothing is black and white'. Hence my favourite saying "Too often we...enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought" (John F Kennedy).
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